Joke: A Redneck With Matches

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A redneck farmer from back in the hills walked twelve miles, one way, to the general store. “Heya, Wilbur,” said Sam, the store owner. “Tell me, are you and Myrtle still making fires up there by rubbing stones and flint together?”

“You betcha, Sam. Ain’t no ‘tother way. Why?”

“Got something to show you. Something to make fire. It’s called a Match.”

‘Match? Never heard of it.”

“Watch this. If you want a fire you just do this,” Sam says, taking a match and striking it on his pants.”

“Huh. Well, that’s something, but that ain’t for me, Sam.”

“Well, why not?”

“I can’t be walking twelve miles to borrow your pants every time I want a fire.”

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Joke: Solitary Confinement

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Three guys are convicted of a very serious crime, and they’re all sentenced to twenty years in solitary confinement.

They’re each allowed one thing to bring into the cell with them.

The first guy asks for a big stack of books.

The second guy asks for his wife.

And the third guy asks for two hundred cartons of cigarettes.

At the end of the twenty years, they open up the first guy’s cell. He comes out and says, “I studied so hard. I’m so bright now, I could be a lawyer. It was terrific.”

They open up the second guy’s door. He comes out with his wife, and they’ve got five new kids. He says. “It was the greatest thing of my life. My wife and I have never been so close. I have a beautiuful new family. I love it.”

They open up the third guy’s door, and he’s slapping at his pockets, saying “Anybody got a match?”

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Nice Story: Weakness Is Not Fatal Always

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A 10-year-old boy decided to study judo despite the fact that he had lost his left arm in a devastating car accident. The boy began lessons with an old Japanese judo master. The boy was doing well, so he couldn’t understand why, after three months of training the master had taught him only one move.

“Sensei,” the boy finally said, “Shouldn’t I be learning more moves?”

“This is the only move you know, but this is the only move you’ll ever need to know,” the sensei replied.

Not quite understanding, but believing in his teacher, the boy kept training. Several months later, the sensei took the boy to his first tournament.

Surprising himself, the boy easily won his first two matches.

The third match proved to be more difficult, but after some time, his opponent became impatient and charged; the boy deftly used his one move to win the match.

Still amazed by his success, the boy was now in the finals. This time, his opponent was bigger, stronger,. Concerned that the boy might get hurt, the referee called a time-out.

He was about to stop the match when the sensei intervened. “No,” the sensei insisted, “Let him continue.”

Soon after the match resumed, his opponent made a critical mistake: he dropped his guard. Instantly, the boy used his move to pin him.

The boy had won the match and the tournament.

“Sensei, how did I win the tournament with only one move?” “You won for two reasons,” the sensei answered. “First, you’ve almost mastered one of the most difficult throws in all of judo. And second, the only known defense for that move is for your opponent to grab your left arm.”

The boy’s biggest weakness had become his biggest strength.

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Best Entrance/Exit In A Boxing Match Ever

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Sent by Mihnea

Usman Uzzy

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