At one point, I asked the class, “How many kids here want to go to Heaven?”
All the kids raised their hands – except for the new kid.
“Don’t you want to go to Heaven, Dennis?”
“No, ma’am, my Dad said to come right home after Sunday school!”
A young Jewish couple got married and went on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother. “Well”, said her mother, “so how was the honeymoon?”
“Oh mama,” she replied, “the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic”… Suddenly she burst out crying. “But, mama, as soon as we returned, Sam started using the most horrible language – things I’d never heard before! I mean, all these awful four-letter words! You’ve got to take me home! PLEASE MAMA!”
“Sarah, Sarah,” her mother said, “calm down! You need to stay with your husband and work this out. Now, tell me, what could be so awful? What four-letter words?”
“Please don’t make me tell you, mama,” wept the daughter. “I’m so embarrassed, they’re just too awful! COME GET ME, PLEASE!”
“Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset. Tell your mother these horrible four-letter words!”
Sobbing, the bride said, “Oh, Mama…, he used words like: “DUST, WASH, IRON and COOK.
She’s single… She lives right across the street.
I can see her house from my living room.
I watched as she got home from work this evening.
I was surprised when she walked across the street and up my driveway.
She knocked on my door… I rushed to open it.
She looks at me, and says, “I just got home, and I am in a really naughty mood! I have this strong urge to have a good time, get drunk, and make l*ve all night long! Are you busy tonight?”
I immediately replied, “Nope, I’m free… I have no plans at all!”
Then she said, “Good! In that case, could you watch my dog?”
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