One day there were four nuns in line for confessional.
The first nun said, “Forgive me, father, for I have sinned.”
He asked how.
She said “I saw a man’s private part.” He told her to wash her eyes with holy water.
The second nun comes in and says, “Forgive me, father, for I have sinned.”
He asked how.
“I touched a man’s private parts.” He told her to wash her hands in holy water.
Then he heard the third and fourth nun fighting. He asked why they were fighting.
The fourth nun said, “I’m not going to wash my mouth in the holy water if she is going to sit in it.”
A priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish.
A leading local politician was chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner. He was delayed, so the priest decided to say his own few words while people waited. “I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here.
I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it.
He had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his employer, had an affair with his boss’ wife, taken illegal drugs, and gave VD to his sister-in-law. I was appalled! But as the days went on, I knew that my people were not all like that, and I had indeed come to a fine parish full of good and loving people.”
Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived, full of apologies for being late. He immediately began to make the presentation, giving his talk. “I’ll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived,” said the politician. “In fact, I had the honor of being the first one to go to him for confession!”
A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch. The woman’s husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.
The little boy says, ‘Dark in here.’
The man says, ‘Yes, it is.’
Boy: ‘I have a baseball.’
Man: ‘That’s nice’
Boy: ‘Want to buy it?’
Man: ‘No, thanks.’
Boy: ‘My Dad’s outside.’
Man: ‘OK, how much?’
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.
Boy: ‘Dark in here.’
Man: ‘Yes, it is.’
Boy: ‘I have a baseball glove.’
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, ‘How much ?’
A few days later, the Dad says to the boy, ‘Grab your glove, let’s go outside and have a game of catch.’ The boy says, ‘I can’t, I sold my baseball and my glove.’ The Dad asks, ‘How much did you sell them for?’ Boy: ‘$1,000′ The Dad says, ‘That’s terrible to over charge your friends like that…that is way more than those two things cost. I’m taking you to church, to confession.’
They go to the church and the Dad makes the little boy sit in the confessional booth and closes the door. The boy says, ‘Dark in here.’
The priest says, ‘Don’t start that shit again; you’re in my closet now.’