A dwarf gets on an elevator and pushes the button to go up, just before the door closes, a hand comes through and opens the door.
In steps a very large black man. The dwarf stares and says “You’re the biggest man I have ever seen”.
The man nods his head, and replies “I’m 6-9, weigh 259 lbs., and I have 16 inches, I’m Turner Brown.”
The dwarf faints!
After regaining his consciousness, the dwarf asks the man to repeat himself. So he does, “I said I’m 6 – 9, 259 lbs., with 16 inches, my name is Turner Brown.”
The dwarf looked relieved and started laughing.
“For a minute there, I thought you said ‘Turn Around’.”
A husband comes home to find his wife with her suitcases packed in the living room. “Where the hell do you think you’re going?” he says. “I’m going to Las Vegas. You can earn $400 for a blow job there, and I figured that I might as well earn money for what I do to you free.”
The husband thinks for a moment, goes upstairs, and comes back down, with his suitcase packed as well. “Where do you think you going?” the wife asks. “I’m coming with you… I want to see how you survive on $800 a year!!!”
The Seven Most Important Men in a Woman’s Life
1. The Doctor – who tells her to “take off all her clothes.”
2. The Dentist – who tells her to “open wide.”
3. The Milkman – who asks her “do you want it in the front or the back?”
4. The Hairdresser – who asks her “do you want it teased or blown?”
5. The Interior Designer – who assures her “once it’s inside, you’ll LOVE it!”
6. The Banker – who insists to her “if you take it out too soon, you’ll lose interest!”
7. The Primal Hunter – who always goes deep into the bush, always shoots twice, always eats what he shoots, but keeps telling her “Keep quiet and lie still!”
A guy is driving out in the middle of nowhere, very lost. Finally he spots 2 houses so he goes up to the first house and looks in the door way.
He sees an old lady yanking on her boobs and an old man jerking off.
He is so freaked out that he goes to the next house and says “What’s up with your neighbors?” and the owner of the house says “Oh that’s the Robinson’s, they’re both deaf. She’s telling him to go milk the cow and he’s telling her to go fuck herself!”
One day this girl was talking to her friend and she said to her, “My boyfriend bought me flowers for Valentines day this year so I guess I have to put my legs in the air for him.”, and her friend replied, “Why? Don’t you have a vase?”
Do you know what Rodeo Sex is?
It’s when you mount your woman from behind, start going nice and slowly, take her hair and pull her head back slightly and whisper in her ear “Your sister was better than you…”, and try to hold on for 8 seconds!
As a painless way to save money, a young couple arranged that every time they have sex the husband puts his pocket change into a china piggy bank on the bedside table. One night while being unusually athletic, he accidentally knocked the piggy bank onto the floor where it smashes.
To his surprise, among the masses of coins, there are handfuls of five and ten dollar bills. He asks his wife “What’s up with all the notes?”, to his wife which replies, “Well, not everyone is as cheap as you are.”
A young husband and wife were sunning on a nude beach when a wasp buzzed into the woman’s vagina. The husband covered her with a coat, pulled on his shorts, carried her to the car and made a dash to the hospital.
After examining her, the doctor explained that the wasp was too far in to be reached with forceps. He suggested the husband try to entice it out by putting honey on his penis, penetrating her and withdrawing as soon as he felt the wasp.
The man agreed to try, but because he was so nervous, he couldn’t rise to the occasion. “if neither of you objects,” the medic said, “I could give it a try.”
Under the circumstances, both agreed. The doctor quickly undressed, slathered on some honey and mounted the woman. The husband watched with increasing alarm as the doctor’s thrust continued for several long minutes.
“Hey, What the hell is happening?”
“Change of plans,” The physician panted. ” I’m going to drown the little bastard!”
A guy comes home from work, walks into his bedroom, and finds a stranger fucking his wife. He says, “What the hell are you two doing?” His wife turns to the stranger and says, “I told you he was stupid.”
Gary and Mary go on their honeymoon, and Gary spends six hours of the honeymoon night eating Mary’s pussy. The next afternoon, they go to an Italian restaurant. Suddenly, Gary starts to freak out. He screams, “Waiter! Waiter! Come over here!”
The waiter says, “Can I help you, sir?” Gary yells, “There’s a hair in my spaghetti! Get it the fuck out of here!” The waiter apologizes up and down as he quickly takes the spaghetti away. Mary looks over at Gary, and shaking her head, she whispers, “What a hypocrite you are. You spent most of last night with your face full of hair.” Gary says, “Yeah? Well, how long do you think I’d have stayed if I found a piece of spaghetti in there?”