Mother Taught Me

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My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE –
“If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning!”

My mother taught me RELIGION –
“You better pray that will come out of the carpet.”

My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL –
“If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”

My mother taught me LOGIC –
“Because I said so, that’s why.”

My Mother taught me more LOGIC –
“If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the store with me.”

My mother taught me FORESIGHT –
“Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.”

My mother taught me IRONY –
“Keep crying and I’ll give you something to cry about.”

My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS –
“Shut your mouth and eat your supper!”

My mother taught me about CONTORTIONIST –
“Will you “look” at the dirt on the back of your neck!”

My mother taught me about STAMINA –
“You’ll sit there ’till all that spinach is finished.”

My mother taught me about WEATHER –
“It looks as if a tornado swept through your room.”

My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS –
“If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you; would you listen THEN?”

My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY –
“If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times – Don’t Exaggerate!!!”

My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE –
“I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.”

My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION –
“Stop acting like your father!”

My mother taught me about ENVY –
“There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do!”

My Mother taught me about ANTICIPATION –
“Just wait until we get home.”

My Mother taught me about RECEIVING –
“You are going to get it when we get home!”

My Mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE –
“If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way.”

My Mother taught me to THINK AHEAD –
“If you don’t pass your spelling test, you’ll never get a good job.”

My Mother taught me ESP –
“Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know when you’re cold?”

My mother taught me HUMOR –
“When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.”

My mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT –
“If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.”

My Mother taught me about GENETICS –
“You’re just like your father.”

My Mother taught me about my ROOTS –
“Do you think you were born in a barn?”

My Mother taught me about WISDOM OF AGE –
“When you get to be my age, you will understand.”

And my all time favorite… JUSTICE –
“One day you’ll have kids… and I hope they turn out just like you!”

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